Who's the Face?

Riddle me this: When faced with conflict, why does the archetypal barbarian fight, the bard cast Charm Person, and the wizard enchant? Perhaps it could be said that “It’s in their nature” or rather, it is assisted by their stats and abilities. Whatever the reason, both in-game and away from the table, people respond to conflict differently. Taken further, and according to this theory, cultures respond to conflict differently. Stella Ting-Toomey’s Face Negotiation Theory broadly asserts that understanding cultural differences helps to explain why some groups respond to conflict differently than others.

One of the foundational tenets of Face Negotiation is that we all have a public self that we want seen, acknowledged, and validated by others. The dragonborn paladin in full plate, broadly declaring his love of Tempus, god of just battle wants to be responded to with awe, reverence, and respect. The skulking rogue halfling, dressed all in muted greys, wants something much different. Each player, character, and DM has a way they wish to be treated by others. Facework is the way we use nonverbal and verbal communication to signal how we’d like to be treated. Losing face results in shame; maintaining face feels validating. 

Consider a scenario wherein our Dragonborn Paladin enters a new town where Tempus was called upon for help and failed to save a school from burning. Losing face, and perhaps some sense of identity as a follower of a “good” god, the Paladin might feel conflicted. Or, wearing his Tempus armor though town, conflict might come to him. What Face Negotiation theory points to as well is that undoubtedly, the Paladin will handle the conflict differently than would the Halfling.

Ting-Toomey focuses on individualistic (e.g. The United States, Germany) and collectivistic (e.g. China, Japan) cultures’ facework. Individualistic and collectivistic cultures vary with regard to their perceptions of self, goals, and duty, according to Harry Triandis. The differences in these two types of culture results in vastly different methods of facework. In collectivistic cultures, facework is done mostly to maintain or to repair the lost face of others. In contrast, in individualistic cultures, facework is mainly a means to maintain and restore one’s own face. A collectivist wants you to not look (and feel) bad. An individualist doesn’t want themselves to look (or feel) bad.

At the table, as a DM, I can think of a variety of scenarios where understanding facework and applying it appropriately can make for compelling drama. The party is asked to safeguard a gathering from the antics of the royal family’s “black sheep”. Any embarrassment on the part of the monarchy will result in the loss of business of a wealthy (but prudish) trader. Perhaps a newly-emancipated slave, young person, or war-forged seeks the party’s aid in staking a claim of autonomy and independence. (This is called face-restoration.) The flipside of face negotiation, of course, is causing an intentional loss of face, a cruel, bullying tactic best employed only in-game, and only against particularly annoying NPCs. Any kind of intentionally disconfirming, face-damaging behavior is unethical in real life.

Another connection between face negotiation theory and the role of the dungeonmaster can take place during character creation or perhaps a Session Zero. It might be helpful for DMs to prompt their players to consider what their character’s go-to conflict style is, and also how that style changes under intense and low-pressure scenarios. 

There are five commonly held conflict styles, according to the man who write the measure, M. Afzalur Rahim. You approach a long bridge on a hot summer’s day. A sweaty guard requests a 10 gold toll to cross.

1. Avoiding: “I cast Invisibility.”

2. Obliging: “I pay the guard’s toll.”

3. Compromising: “I think paying half that toll is sufficient.” I would like to roll a Persuasion.

4. Integrating: “Instead of paying the toll, perhaps I can offer you a nip of my flask. You look quite thirsty.”

5. Dominating. “Toll?” I would like to Rage.

A question now for the players: How important is the group’s name? How important to you is it to fight as one of The Wu Feng Clan or The Ladykillers, Or The League of Lore? Each player is going to answer this differently, and that’s a good thing for the diversity of your table. Collectivists would likely have a very different answer than individualists. Each character’s self-construal varies between independent and interdependent poles. Some view themselves as relatively independent; others know themselves as primarily part of a group, a religious order, or faction. Groups, and group cohesion are important to effective problem solving and conflict resolution.

Face negotiation theory posits that when we, ourselves, have particular facework concerns, we will try and satisfy those concerns in others. The barbarian who is concerned with looking strong, tough, and in-control will naturally attempt to dominate. The rogue, most concerned with others’ face needs, charming, persuading, and not causing waves will tend to avoid conflict. Finally, the handsome bard who knows you and he are both very beautiful will naturally veer toward mutual face concerns, integration and negotiation.

The key takeaway of face negotiation for me is that both at the table and IRL, attending to your own face for the sense of self, pride, and autonomy it gives, is monumentally important.  Respecting, honoring, and attempting to uphold the face of others is an ethical mandate. It’s a tightrope, virtue ethics line to walk sometimes, but beneficial in several practical ways. First, respecting your own (and others face) means that you are conscientious and knowledgeable about how your behaviors impact others. Second, mindful attention to the others around you will show you that things are not always what they seem on the surface. In game, Investigation checks help with this. In real life, this has to be done with quiet observation and sometimes conversation.  When those conversations come with those you differ from culturally, opt to communicate adaptively, appropriately, and effectively. In this way, you will be able to communicate your respect for yourself, the others that you meet, and your DM.  It will also help your in-game roleplay, guaranteed.